IS LAGOS REALLY A CENTRE FOR EXCELLENCE

By Abu Onyiani

I have been in Lagos for almost three weeks now, in which time I have taken time to examine the “Lagos is the Centre of Excellence” tag it has been associated with for so many years. As soon as the vehicle I took from Benin City got to Berger, it developed a “fault” that the driver needed to fix. I think he wanted to avoid the Lagos traffic, should there be any. My father told wrote in his diary over 50 years ago about the hellish Lagos Traffic, I think my children will meet the problem. He then put us on a ‘Danfo’ going to ‘Iyana Ipaja’, but not before advising me to grip my mobile phone at all times with as much force as was okay, because in Lagos, your phone can be stolen by force and stealth at any moment.

Of course, I am no stranger to receiving such warnings, even in my own city. However, the scale on which everyone told me to be careful both alarmed and worried me. My friends who were updated about my journey warned me to be careful, the strangers I met and asked for directions also gave me the same advice when they felt I was holding my phone too loosely. They cannot all be wrong.

At every bus park, there are always a group of haggard-looking boys who seemed like they signed a pact with the devil never to take a bath more than once in three months. Once they saw you from afar, they rushed at you and begged you for money, even when you protest that you do not have money. One of them at computer village followed me for the entire length of Samuel Ogbemudia football pitch and proceeded to insult my dear mama as soon as I got on bike. The Okada rider returned fire immediately, but I calmly told him to ignore him and drive away. He did and began a tale of how things were hard. From experience, I expected that to happen the moment he went out of his way to defend me. He wanted a tip from me. I did tip him when I got to my destination, as I left my change for him, after watching him act like he didn’t have change.

The same scenario played out when I met my mate Akinmejiwa Oyindamola for the first time at Agege bus stop. They swarmed him, as I walked behind him in amusement. I would end up teasing him with it as we sat down to have lunch.

The technique is universal about Bolt and Uber drivers all over Nigeria. I sat down with my mate Collins Okoh at a coffee shop at Landmark Boulevard yesterday, and the cab we ordered jokingly talked about taking the trip offline, and then asked for a tip because he had “huge bills to pay”. If he knew how much bills we had to pay too, he would not have taken money from us.

Back to Lagos.

Before meeting Collins yesterday which was a spontaneous meeting, I had planned to meet my Leader, Pa Kehinde Nubi. I was in my friend’s place somewhere around Igando, and I had asked him for directions to go to Law School, Lagos. In his words, “Abu, do not use a bolt, if there is traffic, you can end up paying up to 15k or 20k for the trip on days the gods are asleep or crazy.” My friend Eze then sent me a WhatsApp message that reads “From Iyana Iba, take a bus to Mile 2, then another to CMS, then to Law school.”

Trouble started as soon as I got a bus from Iyana Iba that was heading to Mile 2. It was a “Chinese bus” that could carry on 7 passengers. As soon as it was full, touts at the park collected a thousand naira from him, and the police that were a stone throw away collected another one thousand naira, for a ride the driver was going to earn two thousand eight hundred naira from. He kept paying fifty naira at every junction he dropped or picked a passenger from, and I felt bad for the driver and myself.

I honestly feel that fares will be cheaper with touts and thugs removed from roads, and in reverse, the drivers will make more money. But Lord Bulaba only cares about farmers. He even famously said “The Farmers will make more money”. Are they making more money now? Nehi Nehi.

I think thugs will not go away from Lagos, at least not in a few years. They are a big part of the political structure in Lagos, as it is in all 10 Nigerian states I have visited.

There are electricity problems that has not been solved for years. As soon as I entered Lagos, I went to see my friend’s mother. The only time I had previously visited Lagos was on her invitation. And when I met her, we talked about everything. She told me that they had not had electricity for months. The roads are also very bad and the bike ride to her place is an ordeal I dread for good reasons. They also provide their own water and pay a subscription for security.

The problem of overpopulation is also pronounced in Lagos. Everywhere is crowded. There are long queues for buses, and the traffic is hellish. Of course, Lagosians will tell you this is where the money is, and that is no lie. Lagos is the economic capital of Nigeria, and my guess is, majority of all big businesses in Nigeria have their headquarters here in Lagos, but of what use is money, if there is a poor quality of life?